After being with my partner, Matias for four years, we split when he got a new job and moved to California. It was the most painful decision of my life. With him, I always felt safe in the world. Now I felt I was left to fend for myself. I still always have his support, but it’s different now. I’m here in Toronto alone. He is currently visiting, a few months after our split, and I can see the difference of how I am with him and how I am without him. When I’m with him, I feel safe. I am able to let my guard down, open up completely, relax, laugh, have fun, be my authentic self. When he’s not here, I tense up. As a way to protect myself, I unintentionally, close my heart, build a wall between myself and everyone else. In the process I become numb, depressed and cold. I check out, disassociate because it’s hard to be in the world when you don’t feel safe. I am still functional but I don’t feel like myself. I am not able to take chances and put myself out there, nor am I able to easily connect with others until I know them well enough that I feel safe again.
Photo by: Laina Briedis
Our boundaries are a flexible energy field that encircles us. They’re also known as our aura or our subtle energy field. We get to choose what we will and will not allow into our boundaries. When someone or something attempts to cross them, we are able to use our voice and our energy to keep them out. This allows us to be the empowered creators of our lives, rather than a victim of what’s happening to us.
When we determine what our boundaries are, we are able to be in a state of action rather than reaction. We’re able to clearly articulate to others what we need instead of getting emotional and being confused about what’s bothering us. When we get angry, we know it’s because someone crossed the line. So we ask ourselves, what did they do that we didn’t like? Then we can have a conversation with the person. Use the anger as a source of power from the solar plexus chakra to offer us the courage to stand up for ourselves. Don’t abuse the power to attack another. We are simple having a conversation about what we need, without them needing to sacrificing themselves. If they refuse to respect us and our needs, perhaps the relationship isn’t compatible, it is operating at two different levels now, and it’s best for both people to let go. Or, if the other person agrees to meet your needs, it’s an incredible opportunity for the relationship to evolve to another level of connection.
Working with personal boundaries allows us to put down our walls, be vulnerable to connect with each other and feel the richness of what it means to be fully alive, all the while feeling safe in the world. We can relax and open up our hearts. We can take chances knowing that we trust ourselves and Spirit. We are able to take responsibility for our lives. We are empowered to create a life that we love, that we are meant to experience by playing with our lives, saying yes and no from our heart centers to what we will allow in.
Have fun playing and creating your life!
With help on creating your personal boundaries, I host a workshop ‘Discover Your Inner Strength’ and offer private Life Coaching. Email me for a free session!