I just want to be an asshole- Finding Balance

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We are dynamic individuals made up of different versions of ourselves- the mind/the ego comprised of our gremlins and archetypal energies, the body, and the spirit/the higher self. Each aspect of ourselves has a perspective, a desire to express itself, and needs to be satisfied. By embodying one side of ourselves, we get really good at it. But this is a world of duality, and when we’re good at one thing, we need to get good at it’s opposite. Once there, we can then refine our way to a place of balance somewhere in the middle. Balance is what we all strive to achieve because when we are balanced we are whole and authentically our true selves. In balance, all of these aspects have a seat at the table.

Why Be Balance
To be balanced is closer to being true to your authentic self. Again, you’re not just one version of yourself, you’re an entire spectrum that all needs to come together in harmony. Anything out of balance is destructive because when you don’t nurture one side of yourself, it starts acting out and “running the show.” It takes control and you lose power over your life. For example, those moments of laziness when you’ve not getting anything done is because something inside of you is screaming to be heard and it’s stopping you from being able to move. When you get in touch with these sides of yourself and give them space to be, you gain more control over them so they no longer act out and cause destruction in your life. You develop a healthy relationship with them, so when they need something, you can provide it, and they don’t have to scream at you anymore. They’re not bad and wrong, they’re you, they’ve just really upset from being ignored.

The Dark Side of Being Polite
So often in our culture we’re trained to be nice, to keep it classy, and basically to control ourselves- to abandon some of our aspects in favour of ones that are more socially acceptable. But what ends up happening is we put the needs of others before ourselves. We’ll suppress our own voice and needs to be peace keepers. We wont respect our own boundaries and instead allow ourselves to be walked all over. In doing so, we’ll remain victims and never be respected or have our boundaries respected by others. We’ll never grow into the incredible people we truly are. We’ll also enable the unhealthy behaviours of others by not speaking up and taking a stand when the situation calls for it. Nobody wins, nobody grows. Personally I find myself uncomfortable around these people because they’re not being honest. They’re prone to passive aggressive behaviours, exploding and projecting on others, and/or self destructive tendencies including addictive habits and creating illness in their body. This is because they’re suppressing their truth and it’s going to find it’s way out somehow, and without self awareness, it’s not going to come out quietly.

Why We Keep Others Out of Balance
Destructive behavioural patterns that leave us imbalanced and unhealthy are socially desirable because it keeps us all on an even playing field. Some examples of these patterns include binge watching netflix, binge drinking, eating junk food and creating drama. If I told you I just indulged in a box of cookies you would probably laugh at me because it makes you feel a little bit better about yourself. That you have these human moments too. Such a relief! People naturally connect over their weaknesses and wounds. While we admire our role models and mentors for their balanced and refined qualities, we sometimes competitively envy our comrades who are developing themselves because when we compare ourselves to them, we perceive ourselves as less valuable. It becomes threatening. But when we’re more in control of our self development and we see ourselves improving, we genuinely want the best for others as well. We’re all on the same team and we understand that our liberation is caught up in each other.

Getting Balance
When we’re learning something new, we focus our energy onto it so that it can develop. When learning to speak up after staying quiet for most of our lives, we can end up at the opposite end of the spectrum causing us to speak offensively and at a higher volume than we’re aware of. While it’s amazing that we’re developing a skill, it’s development isn’t complete until we’ve refined it further by bringing it into balance.

First, notice any hidden desires you have. This is kinda fun, and kinda sexy. Being bad is sexy isn’t it? Is there a seductive vixen in there? A version of you that wants to tell everyone off? Eat 400 lbs of cake without giving a fuck? Be lazy and irresponsible? Let yourself explore what each one of these desires really means and let yourself embody it. Give them space to be. Go somewhere where nobody knows you if you have to. These different versions of you are what make you unique, beautiful and so much fun.

What To Expect
It’s going to get messy. You’re going to make mistakes and upset people. You’re learning. You’ll need to be able to own your mistakes and apologise when the situation warrants it, and thank others for allowing the space for you to grow. And when you finally get to embody the richness of the sides of yourself that have lay dormant, celebrate, appreciate your determination and perseverance, and then refine yourself to a middle place of balance. Refine refine refine. And soon you’ll be in touch with all of these dynamic sides of yourself and you’ll really see the beauty of who you are.

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