How I Learned Self Respect and How it Changed My Relationships

boundaries and self respect

Growing up, I was never taught how to create personal boundaries. When I first went to therapy, I didn’t even know what they were. In an attempt to explain them, my therapist at the time said to me, “you know when you were a kid in your bedroom and your mother just barged in?” To which my response was, “yes, and?”

After a childhood without much personal space, I had zero boundaries. So I started to learn what they are and how to enforce them when they were crossed.

However, about six months ago I asked my mentor how to be one of those people that doesn’t even need to enforce their boundaries because nobody would dare to disrespect them to begin with.

She told me, “We project our boundaries from within. There is no need for those boundaries to be put in a verbal form, people simply get them… If you notice that internal boundaries are not in place, you need to ask yourself what happened to your self-respect.”

I didn’t get it. Lol Mentally I was wrapping my head around it, but I didn’t feel it as true in my body yet. But around this time is when I met Pete. And Pete was about to give me the experience of building my personal boundaries.

Pete and I met about six months ago. Looking back now, when it came to making decisions, I was a pushover and let him take control. I did this because I struggle with anxious attachment and I was afraid to lose him. Even if it didn’t feel good, I would give my power away because I have so much compassion and empathy for the other person that I lose myself. And when I tried to bring something up that was bothering me, have that boundary conversation that I had learned how to have, he would shoot me down and get defensive. Finally I decided that when it comes to relationships and how to show love and care for the other person, we have different values and principals and weren’t compatible. So I told him, for this reason, I was taking a step back.

But for the last two months, he would send me random puppy memes and a video about preventing breast cancer. So now I’m feeling like I’m being mind fucked because he seems to care, but at the same time he doesn’t. I tell him this and he responds that he does care and wants to get together on Sunday. Sunday comes and he’s only willing to give me 1.5 hours.

During the last two months apart from him, I spent time learning how to love myself by respecting what I want, need, and desire. I learned that having strong boundaries equates to having high standards. I raised and respected my standards. To compromise them, would be to lower my standards. But when we’re focused on a vision of what we’re creating for ourselves, lowering our standards or our boundaries is to compromise this vision. It says that we are not as important as these menial bread crumbs that are just trying to manipulate us into thinking they’re better than they’re worth.

So when Pete offered me 1.5 hours, and I knew in my gut that I was worth more than that, I told him no, step up. So he offered me two. And I laughed, and I said no. And saying no is all we need to do to enforce our boundaries. And he lashed out and said I was being stubborn and inflexible (because I wasn’t being submissive to him anymore and he could no longer control me). So in my opinion, to be called stubborn when it comes to going after what I want, is the best kind of complement.

I explained to him that putting quality time into me is my love language and how I know somebody cares about me. It’s what I need in all relationships. I’m not going to compromise on that because I won’t be fulfilled with anything less. Putting up that boundary sent a clear message of self respect and it told the universe exactly what I want. It also stopped enabling Pete’s poor behaviour in relationships. By letting him walk all over me, I wasn’t doing either of us any favours. By raising my standards, I focused on creating a healthy, balanced relationship and lovingly invited him to join me up here- because I wasn’t willing to step down. Until he does, I will hold that space for him. It could take him a month, 30 years, or 5 lifetimes. But I will celebrate when he does because our liberation is caught up in each other.

So now I understand what my mentor was saying. When you love and respect yourself, you know what you want, and you refuse to settle for less, then people pick up on that self respect. And if you ever come across someone that doesn’t, you just say no and they fall away. Anything that isn’t in alignment with your standards, will just fall away. There won’t be the drama of trying to convince someone of what you deserve. You just give them their breadcrumbs back, and if they really want in, they’ll step up their game. They’ll ask you what you need and then they’ll show up with ten of them. Because when we truly honour each other as the gods and goddesses that we are, we’ll do our best to show how much we love and care about each other. 

In short
Raise your standards
Know what your wants, needs, desires are
Say what they are
Say no to anything less than
~ You now have self respect
~ And people respect the hell out of that
~ Your boundaries are effortlessly created
~ You effortlessly take your power back

If you need help setting your personal boundaries, contact me I’m here for you
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Empathize, but Remember Your Standards

freedom with self love

No matter how someone acts, we don’t need to be emotionally triggered by their actions.

But we do get hurt, and one reason for this is that we’re taking their behaviour personally. We let it question our self worth, our lovability. We even complain to others- making it about the other person, when really we’re just masking our own pain of feeling invalidated and unloved.

But when we’re in a healthy relationship with ourselves- we love, trust, respect ourselves- then we don’t need the validation of others because we already have it from the only person who matters. We know what kind of behaviour is acceptable and what is not- not because it’s bad and wrong, but because it’s not supportive or in alignment with where we are and where we’re going. A healthy boundary is effortlessly formed.

Just like if someone talked shit about our best friend. Because we love and believe in our friend, we may defend our friend and question the criticism. Someone acting disrespectfully towards us is an attempt at a boundary violation, sometimes unbeknownst to them. They’re unconscious, in pain, trapped in a pattern, and creating drama.

We can have compassion and empathy for where they’re at- non-judgementally- and, most importantly, recognize that we just don’t want to be in that mess with them. And we don’t have to be, it’s not our responsibility to be. There are professionals that get paid for that.

We need to take care of ourselves first. We need to keep our standards high. Show people how we deserve to be treated, and from a place of love, inspire them to see how they can be treated as well. “Come join us up here!”

Letting people walk all over us isn’t doing anyone any favours- it just enables bad behaviour and keeps us from growing, blocking us from all the good available to us. And by respectfully leaving an unhealthy relationship from a place of love, it’s not an attack on the other, it’s asking them to wake up and meet our standards with their own.

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Choose A Side & Love Fiercely

We are at war with ourselves,
reflected by the world around us.
And the only way to win this war,
the only way to peace,
is to choose a side to fight for.
Choose peace. Choose happiness. Choose love.
And then fight fiercely.
Love fiercely.
In every moment,
with every thought, action, word spoken.
Because if we don’t take control of our world,
Then the world will take control of us.
We’ll be victim to our thoughts and emotions.
We’ll feel sad, angry, anxious
because we’re too stubborn, proud, stuck
to choose happiness.
Feel into anger
Tightness in your chest?
Feel into sadness
Pit in your stomach?
Feel into happiness
A lightness surrounding you?
It’s an emotion like the rest
at our disposal.
Easy.
But we need to get out of our own way.
Whatever we choose will impact our quality of life
and that of those around us.
Channel the anger we have with the state of the world towards this solution.
Warriors of the light
it starts with us.
The more we fight for this side,
the stronger it gets.
Miscommunication,
Love yourself.
Unhealthy situation,
Love yourself.
Respect
is a basic human right that doesn’t need to be earned.
Because we’re all in pain,
have compassion.
Our liberation is caught up in each other.
This is a remembering
that at our core we are Love.
A surrendering.
Be vulnerable.
Trust yourself.
This is our work.
No hippie shit here.
It’s the bravest souls that are able to love through the hate.
Love Yourself Photo
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When The Future Isn’t Certain

The other day I became hyper aware of the duality that’s existing in my mind at all times. While most people see happy, optimistic Erika, there’s also my shadow side that’s incredibly self critical, doubtful, and careless. The majority of the time I feel pulled by both sides– both screaming at me, telling me what I should do, that I’ll amount to nothing, but also keep going you’re doing great and it’ll all work out! It’s overwhelming and nauseating. So I’ll numb myself out- shut it off so it’s finally quiet. But that’s not a solution, it’s an escape, and isn’t serving me at all.

According to Tantric philosophy, all pain, suffering and sickness comes from duality. The solution then is to pick a side. Henry Ford said: “‘Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.’”

I can’t believe I’m about to make a sports reference- but by entertaining both my healthy and self defeating thoughts, I am playing for both teams. It’s confusing as hell because imagine watching a soccer match where the players suddenly switch teams to shoot on their own nets. It would be chaos! You’d probably get bored and leave. And I feel that way. It becomes so chaotic in my mind that I numb out and become careless out of survival- opposite of my natural, deeply empathic and considerate way of being.

We need to choose a side. It takes self awareness, to notice our thoughts, our self criticism, doubts, worries, fears and say no, I’m not playing for that team. Because if we don’t choose a side, we’ll never win. So when we wake up in the morning and we don’t want to move, or when we’re looking at the workout bag and soo lazy, and when our thoughts are screaming at us that none of this is worth the effort, remember to play for the team that you’ve committed to playing for. Over time, the strength of this team will grow and we’ll start to reach milestones of success that the other team always told us were not possible.

Choose a team soccer match photo

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How To Create Genuine Relationships

It’s not as black and white as this, but it’s a way to simplify. We have casual friends and best friends. What’s the difference?

Casual friends we see once in a while for short periods of time, catch up, keep it light, update each other, maybe network a little, and celebrate each other’s successes. We could talk about deep, esoteric subjects and even share moments of deeply connected intimacy, but there’s a lack of something that keeps us from contacting the person on a more regular basis.

Best friends are people who share a deeply connected, intimate friendship all the time. They’re like family. They walk alongside you in life. They invest into you. They’re the people you call when something happens. Without making a list of expectations of these kinds of friends, we can agree that they make an effort on a regular basis to show you that they care about you and that you matter. They find out how you need to be loved- your love languages, and then do them because watching your happy reaction makes them happy.

There are several questions we can ask to investigate into why a casual friend isn’t become a best friend. They are:

Connection- Does someone have up walls that can’t be permeated?
Time- Is there time right now to invest into a close friendship?
Other priorities- Does someone already have strong relationships that takes up their time and energy?
Common interests- Do you want to do the same things together?
Common values- Do you want the same things from your life right now?
Common goals and vision for the future- Are you working towards the same things together?
Location- Do you live close enough to spend quality time together?
Spark- Is there a spark that keeps you wanting more of each other? Sometimes we just meet someone and think, “I like this one” and want to spend all of our time with them.

And maybe we’re in complete alignment, but still can’t further our bond. It comes down to vulnerability- being able to show that we love each other. Those that we’re closest to are the people we feel most loved by, the people that show us that they care, and the people we’re able to love in return. Best friends remind us that we’re loved on a regular basis, not just when it’s convenient for them. And this will look differently for everyone. The Five Love Languages is an excellent resource. It speaks to how people give and receive love.

love languages
Balance is important. How are we showing up in our relationships? Are we a giver, a taker or are we balanced? Giving includes things and ourselves- our time and energy. If we’re always taking, then the other person gets depleted and stops giving. It’s not always conscious, but they’ll start to feel unappreciated, taken for granted, drained and maybe even resentful. Are we always the one complaining and needing support, or do we reciprocate and show our appreciation for our friend?

Communication is also important. Ask your friends what they like and do this for them. Nothing extravagant- small gestures go a long way. If you’re the one feeling unloved, notice if you’re over giving and if so, hold back so your friend has the opportunity to give. Also notice how you give to yourself, show the world how you deserve to be treated. And finally, have that conversation. Try not to accuse them of anything or demand they give things to you, but tell your friend that the relationship feels unbalanced and ask them if they notice it. Maybe they’ve never learned the gift of giving. Write down a list of things that make you feel loved so if they ask you what you want you know how to respond. It helps if you look back at things people have done. Remind them that small gestures go a long way and that you care about them so much that you want more of them, not less.

We’re not trying to complete each other or get things that we can’t give to ourselves. And we’re not feeding our anxious attachments here or creating obligations for the other person to meet. We’re simply communicating our needs in relationships that help us to feel loved and fulfilled in this area of life. Expectations lead to disappointments and expectations are just unspoken needs. So let’s communicate our needs! When we’re two whole people coming together, we’re celebrating life by celebrating each other. We’re appreciating our friendships and doing things to see our pal’s reactions because it makes us feel happy and alive and we love experiencing life with them because we adore this beautiful human being! It’s about playing with life and it feels fun showing up in adorable ways for each other.

Can we have friends we don’t love and that don’t love us? No. Those are bullshit friends. They’ll waste your time and sap your energy. They’re most likely opportunists trying to get something from you. Sure, some people are on the path of learning about love, but there needs to be SOME kind of genuine caring feelings with the potential to grow into more. If they don’t care about you based on their actions, not just their words, swipe left.

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How Trusting Ourselves Pulls Us Into the Natural Flow of Life

We can either be pushed or be pulled through life. When we’re pushing ourselves, or are pushed by someone else like a parent or an employer, to accomplish something, it takes motivating, force, and is challenging because we’re trying to be pushed past some internal resistance. When being pulled, it feels like we’re in the natural flow of life. It’s exciting and energizing, and may even feel like something bigger than us is guiding us along.

The experience of being pulled happens when we surrender to the power of will. 

The yin yang symbol is the balance of the sacred feminine energy of surrender, yang, with the sacred masculine energy of will, yin. In every moment, we express these energies. When we are in flow with the universe, acting intuitively from our highest good, these energies are naturally balanced and expressed in harmony. For example, when I write these posts, I surrender to what needs to be said, while my will pulls me to write. I’m also focused on the bigger picture of what I desire to create and I know I am in service, thus contributing to my biggest dreams. In a way the act is effortless because it’s a natural creative expression of myself. I may still fumble over my words as I write, but sitting here feels naturally enjoyable, not forced. There’s a sense that I am supported to act out of my highest good.

yin yang cats

What gets in the way of being in the natural flow of life is resistance. We create petty reasons- excuses, fears, dramas, of why we cannot do something, but at the very root of the resistance, is we don’t trust ourselves. If we don’t believe that what we’re doing is worth the effort, that we can handle what arises, and we will create what we desire or better, then we will drag our feet and make it incredibly difficult to accomplish even the smallest tasks. How can we work hard for a leader that we don’t believe in? We need to trust that if there is something that we want to achieve or obtain, that we can make that happen, and we want to help ourselves do this. Unwavering faith in ourselves. A belief that we can make anything happen. A belief in our mastery. That we can envision what success means to us, and know without a doubt that we will create it, and we have faith that every step we take is a successful step towards getting us there. Trusting ourselves means faith in our abilities as a creator. That everything is meaningful and serves a purpose. This is pure confidence. 

When we trust ourselves, we surrender to the power of will, and we will ourselves to surrender. 

Some of us trust ourselves easier than others. We lose our trust when we begin to doubt both ourselves and the process. We experience disappointments from our failed expectations, thus losing sight of the bigger picture. We’re incredibly self critical with no margin for error. Mistakes are how we learn, and we can trust that we’ll bounce back. It’ll always be okay because it always has been.

To take this a step further, when we acknowledge our divinity- that we are god consciousness experiencing itself in human form, then believing in ourselves and believing in something bigger than us is the same thing. And when we can have faith in the process, we can surrender to it, while our will pulls us to create. We are not victim to our surroundings, we create them. Just like how we have the DNA of our parents, we have the super powers of spirit. It’s an exciting time to be alive because we are only now waking up to this and seeing what we’re truly capable of. When we stop trying to micromanage and control our lives from a place of fear and doubt, we’re able to surrender to ourselves and become willed to create beyond anything we could ever imagine. 

Step One: Let go of everything that isn’t fulfilling you. You’re only holding onto it because you’re afraid. Surrender. Trust yourself. And hold on 😉

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Getting Excited About Life and Overcoming Procrastination

It was brought to my awareness recently that in my rush to create more for myself, I was turning my life into a series of chores that need to get done. But as we know, it’s the journey, not the destination. Achieving a goal may bring us happiness but only temporarily. It’s the satisfaction that comes from accomplishments along the way that bring us fulfillment. But we don’t always appreciate these sometimes menial tasks as small accomplishments towards our desires. We lose sight of why we’re doing what we’re doing- the bigger picture, and life starts to lack it’s lustre a little bit more each time. It’s Saturday night and I’m at home writing this post. I could easily think of all the other ways I could be having fun, or I could feel genuinely excited that I’m choosing to stay home and write because it’s a small victory towards creating a life that inspire others to fulfil their highest potential as I fulfil my own. Playing Janga with pals, while fun, doesn’t quite have that same impact.

I’m currently taking a course on Tantra that requires me to do daily exercises. My initial response was, ugh, homework and reluctantly bullying and coaxing myself into doing the exercises, like forcing myself to meditate is really going to bring me any closer to enlightenment. But how often do we do this in life! We may dread working out to achieve our ideal bodies, or we’ll be excited to get a new project or client until we have to do the work. It doesn’t make any sense! We want these things, why aren’t we more excited to do the tasks that will get us there?

Consider this. We have the freedom and sovereignty to desire anything- any dream, and the power to make it happen for ourselves. Feel into this. This is incredibly exciting!

It’s easy to focus on the fear, the bumps we’ll hit along the way, the ways we’ve gotten hurt and disappointed in the past. Struggles will always show up because this existence is one of duality. But if we only focus on the bad, then this is all we’ll see.

get excited about life photo

We need to focus on the big picture. Focus on our visions with complete gratitude that we get to have these visions and that they’re just on the other side of coming true for us. Fully savour this experience. We’re getting exactly what we want and we’re making it happen for ourselves. This is powerful.

Sometimes we need to remember there’s delayed gratification, where the benefit from doing something will come tenfold when we hold out a little longer. Or, if we do try something and decide we don’t actually want it, then we have the power to change course. How empowering that we get to make these choices. We’re in control of our own lives. Depression stems from feeling out of control, and being productive rather than procrastinating can be difficult when we’ve lost focus. But instead of accepting that everything feels like a drag, let’s intend everything we do as a step towards what we desire, and feel the excitement that accompanies that.

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Sexual Intimacy as a Way to Our Divine Selves

Our core beliefs determine how we perceive the world. While some beliefs put us in alignment with our divine selves, others take us out of it. We’re all offsprings of the culture we grow up in, shaped and moulded by media, parents, families, schools, friends, and religions. And we’ll go along with these beliefs, perspectives, ideas until we stop to ask ourselves if they’re actually serving us, or if we’re playing by the rules.

Sex is loaded with stigmas, expectations, and beliefs. For sake of simplification, there are two kinds of sex- recreational and spiritual. With recreational sex there’s no real connection or intimacy, it’s just a way to satisfy an urge. But with spiritual sex, which is what tantra teaches, it’s a way of connection and intimacy with another person and with a higher being. Whether we call this God, universe, source, or spirit, the commonality shared is they are unconditional love. Because this is where everything comes from, like how we carry our parent’s DNA, we too at our core are  made up of unconditional love. This desire to connect through intimacy is a desire to come home to ourselves and get to know who we truly are.

Unconditional love is pure, it has no attachments or possessiveness. Yet, because of the beliefs we have, or rather sometimes the beliefs that have us, we have expectations and agendas, that hurt us rather than support us. For example, a lot of us equate sexual intimacy with exclusivity. And to challenge this core belief makes us challenge everything we know about love, sex, relationships and ourselves. But I think unconditional love means being able to be intimate with someone and able to allow them the complete freedom to do what will make them happy- whether that’s being exclusively with you or being with others as well.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/leolebug/26291299963/in/faves-33390690@N07/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/leolebug/26291299963/in/[email protected]/

When single, one thing we may miss most about being in a relationship is the intimacy, the hugs, being able to touch someone else. Living alone in this culture can feel very isolating. Even if we’re completely independent- able to fulfill all of our needs, the one thing we can’t get from ourselves is that intimate connection with another person. Even if we are focused on our careers or other life aspects, we crave being intimate with each other. Food and sex are the two most decadent experiences of being alive and an integral part of the human experience. And nurturing this side of ourselves that desires to be sexually intimate fuels the passion we have for our careers, art, families- our entire life.

Sexual intimacy becomes more about enjoying the experience, being in the moment, appreciating another person and sharing moments of bliss. Suppressing this natural way that our body and soul desires to express itself doesn’t honour our true nature. We have these core beliefs around everything- sex included- that are instilled by society and while may seem ‘appropriate,’ are actually trapping us into states of powerlessness causing us to act out of alignment with our true divine selves. While being respectful of each other, can we allow ourselves to be completely unravelled?

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The Greatest Medicine Ever

On New Years Eve, excited for the new year, I felt inspired to paint my apartment! So I painted for over 15 hours and when I woke up the next day, I couldn’t move lol I especially hurt my hand- I could barely move it and was in so much pain I had to take pain killers- which I never do.

I sat with my hand and tuned into the pain. I gave her my full attention and listened. I had flashbacks to being in the hospital as a kid, having the IV in my wrist, morphine and medicine pumping into me. I could feel the intense itch of the morphine. The most pain was where I still have scars from needles and testing. The visions and sensations were as though it was happening now. I cried, processed, and held the space for this to be released. The memories of family coming to see me, crying, standing by my hospital bed, holding my hand while feeling upset. I released all of their pain that I’ve been holding onto for them. Then I had to reconnect with my hand, mend my relationship with it, hold it to my heart and do hoponopono with it.

This morning when I woke up, the pain was less, and now, evening, it’s practically gone. In one day it went from unbelievable pain unable to move, to sitting here- painless- typing this. Really incredible. So I want to share how I did it. It’s an incredibly intuitive process of giving your body, mind and spirit your full attention. It can be used for any issue- physical, emotional, mental, spiritual- anything that is bothering you. I believe without confirmation that this work is shamanic. It brings you deep into the darkness of the underworld to release and gain the wisdom you need for the next stage.

 

Attention and Holding Space for Yourself

Throughout the entire process you will be in a deep trance of giving your body, mind and spirit your full attention. Listen deeply as though you’re listening to a friend speak. Curiously, with love and care, listen to your body, your thoughts. Keeping your eyes closed helps you to connect.

When you hold the space for yourself, you are watching yourself, acutely paying attention.

Holding space is bringing awareness to something, and giving your body/mind/soul space and focus to transmute the energy. The alchemist.

There are two of you- your higher self is holding the space for your human self, like a mother caring for a child. It feels like there’s a spirit, energy, that is hovering above and around you. The human version of you is releasing, surrendering, doing the work, crying, screaming, moving- all while being guided by your higher self.

 

Movement and Intuition

Movement helps to distract your mind and keep your focus. It also helps to get the energy flowing in your body, unblocking anywhere it may be currently stuck. I use a series of simple kundalini movements that I’ve memorized that activate my spine to connect me with my higher self. The kundalini movements are also great with directing me on how to properly breathe deeply throughout the process. Use something you don’t have to think about that’s just running in the background.

Your intuition of when to move, how does your body need to move, when to speak, when to write, what needs to be said- is everything. Allow yourself to be guided, surrender to this fully. Honour yourself, your inner guidance, your wisdom.

Processing image
www.mikemonaghanphoto.com

First, notice how your body wants to express itself:

    Automatic writing: write without thinking

    Automatic speaking: Just speak, what needs to be said through you.

    Intuitive movement: Need to punch the shit out of the bed? Care for yourself throughout the process- the wall will break your hand.

 

Second, know that you’re not alone. Part of you is here in this body, having this very humane experience, and the other part of you is divinity- your higher self is pure love hovering above you, connected with you, guiding you.

    Feel the connection grow with your higher self.

   Connect with the love consciousness.

   Surrender yourself to your higher self.

   Allow your higher self to support you, nurture you, love you, take care of you.

   Surrender to that. Let go.

    Let the emotions, feelings grow.

Your higher Self is going to hold the space and coach your human self. Both versions of you will express itself. There will be times where your human self is upset, perhaps questioning things and your higher self is responding. It’s not about going into victim mode and focusing on the crap- like in therapy, it’s about focusing on the highest vibration of love and elevating yourself to this to release everything not in alignment with it. When you are connected, these are no longer solely your movements, your thoughts-  now you’re in this dance with your higher self.

 

Third, speak, move, and emote intuitively. Be honest. Even if it’s ugly. It might sound like therapy where your higher self is asking questions and challenging your human self. Be sure to stay in your heart and body, don’t go into your mind. The questions that come from your higher self don’t come from your thoughts- you’re not thinking, everything is on instinct. Be honest with everything you are feeling- everything is true and right.

Keep with the motions. Move intuitively. Hold certain poses if your body wishes. Contort yourself in unnatural positions if desired. The energy is moving.

When emotions come up, let them out, cry, scream, make unnatural noises- your throat is clearing, get it out. Don’t think about how weird it is, nobody is watching or listening. My landlord hasn’t complained yet.


Remember to continue to hold the space for yourself.

 

Fourth, pay attention to subtle changing energies. As the process deepens, you may feel activation at your crown chakra. A presence, connection with your higher self.

Notice when the energy shifts to drama/trauma, victim, poor me. You can be in this, perhaps reliving a past memory, while your higher self is holding the space for you to transmute this. You will feel both the trauma and the power of the transmutation simultaneously. The difference between drama and processing is you feel strong. Even though crying, you are in your strength, sitting straight up or in a position you intuitively came into. Remember how powerful you are, breathe and release what needs to come out while holding yourself in the highest esteem.

 

Fifth, ask for help. If and when the energy gets super intense, ask your higher self, guides, angels to help you clear. They’re literally sitting there waiting, but can’t act until you ask. They want you to ask, and when you do, the energy shifts and releases instantly. It’s incredible. You’ll think, whoa, why was I crying.

In these intense moments, ground yourself with deep breaths and by feeling the floor with your hands.

 

Remember to continue to move intuitively. Try not to do too much, keep the trance, keep your eyes closed. But listen to loud intuitive calls like to drink water, hug a bolster. Honour yourself. You may be called to do something for a release to happen. I had to hug a bolster once to feel supported, and that support helped me to process. But generally, stay in the same area. Moving around too much might be tactical and dramatic. Be honest with your antics.

 

When you’re nearing the end, you will feel a smile creep up on your lips. A sense of lightness, calmness, less to no intensity, relief, and peace.  You feel like you let something go. You’ve had realizations, epiphanies, a change in perspective. You’re not crying anymore, nor do you feel the need. You’re kinda smiling a little.

 

Sixth, lay down on the mat and rest for a moment. You may feel energized. Definitely hungry. Thank yourself. Thank your guides. Eat. Take a nap.

 

The Next Day You will be exhausted the next day. Hungry. Take care of yourself and be grateful for the incredible work you’ve done. Congratulations :)

 

This is the incredible process I use to intuitively heal myself- mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I’ve successfully used it many times for a myriad of reasons. When you do it, listen to your intuition and alter it appropriately. You know what’s best for you. If you need extra guidance, send me a message- I’d love to help to guide you through it.

 

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“I’m Really Sensitive & People Keep Hurting Me!” Support

Sound familiar? This is my story, one of my deepest wounds and biggest struggles. To offer some support on your journey, here I share the lessons I’ve learned to overcome this.

Have you heard of HSP? Highly Sensitive Person. It’s someone who is extra sensitive to lights, tastes, sounds, emotions, energies, etc, thus causing one to isolate themselves to the beauty of a quiet room where they can retreat in peace. More information is available here: http://hsperson.com/

I relate to being an HSP. My most sensitive eccentricities include loud noises and my sometimes overwhelming emotions. And so I wonder what are the benefits of being highly sensitive? Can it be a super power instead of a hindrance? Totally! Our sensitive emotions can intuitively detect red flags faster than the average person. And this detection system can be used to direct our lives towards creating something that is in line with our highest good and fulfillment.

If we aspire for greatness, then we want to surround ourselves with people that lift us up and inspire us because, as Jim Rohn says, we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. Our sensitivity gives us a clear indication of how healthy a relationship is. If you have two people, one highly sensitive and one of average sensitivity, and both are spending time with someone who is incredibly charming, funny, beautiful, but, even unbeknownst to them has poor intentions, the person most likely to pick up on this is the highly sensitive one. The trick is to trust yourself, trust your gut, your intuitive feelings. Listen to your heart, the little voice inside, even if your eyes, mind and even sex organ desire a different outcome.

HSPs tend to be peacekeepers. Because they are sensitive to conflict and violence, they would never want to start it. But it is necessary for you to be brave. Nice isn’t powerful. If you know with your whole being that you need to step away from a potentially harmful situation, despite what the results may be, YOU HAVE TO DO IT. And you WILL continue to make the same mistakes until you finally learn to listen.

Honour yourself. The only way you will get to where you desire to be, to where your most fulfillment and enlightenment is, is by honouring your needs and making sometimes tough decisions to do what’s right for you. You will never regret these choices. I’ve had to let go of many relationships, and not always because the people are bad people, they could potentially be the most beautiful and kind, but they were not right for me at that time. And sometimes the test is just to listen and honour our highest honesty.

Trust in the abundance of life. By letting someone or even something go, it’s never a loss. A new door ALWAYS opens- it’s the universal law of balance. Holding on can be more painful sometimes than just letting go. And we need to consider the longterm. It may be comfortable now, but how comfortable will you be if you keep holding on. Is this worth you being held back? And notice the intention behind why you are are choosing to leave.

If the intention to leave is to get away from someone because they’re bothering you- then you may be running away. Stop making it about them and make it about you. Acknowledge this person as your teacher. There is something to learn here. Be grateful for how they activate your wounds and triggers, breathe deeply, feel deeply, process until the emotions have been transmuted into something else. Work with a healer if you need extra help. This is what it means to be AWAKE. When we can remain awake during these most challenging times is when we grow the most. An excellent exercise is to go through everyone in your life that bothers you and clear away these bothers using the burning method: writing everything down on a piece of paper until there’s nothing left to say and you feel neutral; and then burning the paper outside.

The best intention to have when leaving a relationship, environment, item, is because you are choosing to open up space for someone or something that is in alignment with your highest good. Do you want to grow or do you want to stay the same? Because complaining and judging will keep you stuck.

The archetypes of Victim and Creator are at play here. The Victim is the sad sensitive person that feels sorry for themselves and needs to hide away at home because everyone hurts them.

The Creator is the empowered HSP who chooses who they surround themselves with, and when triggered, uses it as an opportunity to self reflect, clear, and thus level up to an even better version of themselves. The Creator honours their intuition about situations, notices red flags, without judgement, but with confident discernment and chooses to make decisions that are in their highest interest. Because what is good for us, is good for all. Never enable the poor behaviour of others or this world will never change.

As an HSP you have a super power. It’s like x-ray vision into the intentions and motivations of others. The more you acknowledge red flags and act accordingly, the easier it gets to notice them and to trust yourself. Now, with every person I meet and situation I’m in, I go in paying attention and am honest with any red flags I pick up on, even if I’m not sure, I’m honest about how I’m feeling. Again, this doesn’t mean the person or situation is bad- it just means it’s not right for me right now. From this, I’m able to make a decision that is clear, honest, informed, and supports the cultivation of my most beautiful life.

Erika moving out of isolation into her power

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