What’s Stopping You From Total Freedom


ebb and flow image

The Experience
As I lay imagining my daily visualizations, I noticed how tense my body was and how closed off I was energetically. I questioned, how am I going to receive everything that I’m visualizing while in this tensed up state? I fully let my body relax and opened up my energy field. To do this, I surrendered and let go of everything I was mentally, emotionally, and physically holding onto, and allowed my energy to naturally expand. I felt my heart energy grow and noticed how vulnerable I felt in this state. My energy field almost quivered in uncertainty, until I felt a surge of protection surrounding me. I relaxed into it and felt myself getting filled up with light. Starting from my heart, and filling up my entire body.

The Epiphany
A couple days later I had an epiphany that had related to this experience. I realized how stubborn I had been and how this was responsible for keeping me stuck in a daily routine that wasn’t aligned with the kind of life and experiences I envisioned for myself.

Having experienced disappointment and suffering time and time again, eventually everything in my being just said ENOUGH- I’m not moving. There’s so much that I wanted to do but couldn’t move forward. I was stubborn to a set of beliefs that don’t allow flexibility into a new way of being. My entire body reflected this with tense muscles, shot adrenals, and persistent anxiety. I had lost trust in myself and needed to rebuild this in order to feel secure to move forward.

Rebuilding Trust With Myself – Moving From Insecure to Secure
The people that we trust are those that we can count on. They have integrity. How many times have we showed up late, said we’re going to do something and not followed through, abandoned unfinished projects. In Anatomy of the Spirit, Caroline Myss says that to rebuild trust, which is at the core of our root chakra, we need to have integrity- loyalty and honour with ourselves and with others in our Tribe.

“You have to be able to give your word and keep it-whether it is to another person or to yourself. You have to be able to trust yourself to complete something and honor your commitments. When you don’t trust yourself, everyone and everything around you feels temporary and fragile because that is how you feel within yourself.”

You can start with small challenges that you know you will succeed at. I’m currently on day 17 of 21 of a no sugar commitment. And to succeed, I’m using my stubbornness to my advantage!

Let Stubbornness Work For You, Not Against You
We’ll never be perfect, this is a planet of duality and we’ll forever have our inner gremlins. It’s what we’re unaware of that has power over us. When we practice self awareness and notice when we’re reacting with stubbornness, we can choose to respond differently. And alternatively, when we want to accomplish something, we can activate our stubbornness to help us!

But we do need to be weary of what we’re being stubborn about. Using it to help us finish something we’ve been putting off is probably helpful. But stubbornness is an attempt at control. So if we have a habit of being stubborn, we need to ask, how else are we being controlling?

Expectations Create Disappointments
This is really tricky. Some may say that our expectations in life- our goals- can fuel and drive us. But failed expectations create an emotional rollercoaster of excitement and disappointment.

For example, we meet someone, get excited, start to imagine the future with them, but it ends and we’re heart broken. We have plans to go out, something happens, event is cancelled. We experiment with a new supplement or healing modality with a high success rate, but it doesn’t help us.

The list goes on and in each instance, when we assume a desirable outcome, we’re trying to control the external world. So then how do we create a future we desire without having expectations?

Practicing Non-Attachment & Gratitude Because Everything is Temporary
This attempt at controlling everything around us is futile. Fortunately unfortunately, nothing lasts- everything is temporary. Like the ebb and flow of the ocean, we’re meant to be fluid. This moment right now is beautifully unique to never be re-created in all time and space. It is precious and fleeting. Hold it in your heart and revere it with deep gratitude because sooner or later, people leave, circumstances change, and tomorrow it may not be here.

Stop kidding yourself by thinking that you’re the only person that can beat it by creating expectations of the future and stubbornly trying to hold onto them. You will almost always be disappointed. All suffering comes from a fear of loss and all bitter resentment comes from things not having gone our way. Let it go. Trying to control, to hold on, only creates more suffering.

Let this humble us, let it soften us. By using integrity to develop security within ourselves, we can trust the process and trust ourselves that we can handle absolutely everything that comes our way. We would never be given anything that we can’t handle. Everything will always be okay because when has it not been? To have fun and enjoy ourselves is the ultimate form of gratitude. When we come home to ourselves, we stop attaching to things external to us. We enjoy the moment in full gratitude, and let it freely slip through our fingers.

No Expectations & Non-Attachment Allows a Total Freedom to Create
Creating is our natural state. Every day we use our imaginations to create prototypes of what we want to experience, and then we act in ways that allow them to show up. Life is a playground of creating everything we desire to experience.

Many of us don’t push the boundaries of our lives, living variations of the same day for years because our willingness to create is stunted by this fear of loss. We’ve grown attached to what we know, and stubbornly try to control outcomes that we want. But when we stop exhausting our energy trying to control, then we can focus on our values and act in ways that energize them. This can create experiences and circumstances that go beyond what we could have come up with on our own.

Surrendering Control Aligns Us With What is For Our Highest Good
This is HUGE. Say we’re in a relationship that has past it’s time and no longer supports our growth or is in alignment with our values, but we’re too stubborn to admit this, to let go of the future we’ve committed to. This relationship will only hold us back and bring us down.

Alternatively, we revere the relationship with the deepest gratitude for absolutely everything it has brought us, accept that we’ve had our time together and it’s time to flow in another direction, and to trust ourselves that we’re able to do this. This huge choice, though difficult, is what aligns us with our deepest fulfillment. It gets us unstuck and back into the flow of life. We’re free now to create everything we desire to experience in this lifetime.

This doesn’t mean treat people like they’re disposable. It means Love deeply, but don’t hold on when it’s time to let go. And don’t be resentful of endings because they’re a natural part of life. And to practice non-attachment, gratitude, flexibility instead of control, allows us to relax and Trust ourselves and the process, and really begin to enjoy life and start to play again. It really is about time that we get back on track and start having fun again.

Lol. I’m working on this part. I have yet to integrate full flexibility. Body, mind, spirit are all connected and by working on one, the others benefit. So, I like to work on all three.

Body: Notice where you’re holding tension and releasseee. Yoga is great for this. I started singing lessons and use diaphragm & breathing exercises to release the tension in my throat.

Mind: Practice self-awareness and conscious choices in every situation. Notice when you’re being stubborn and ask yourself if it’s serving you. Be honest! Perhaps using your stubbornness in ways that benefit you, like by creating healthy habits, will give it a healthy outlet!

Spirit: In meditation, surrender and let go of the tension stored in your muscles and the walls you’ve built up to energetically block yourself off. Once you’ve let go, notice how this allows your energy to expand. Pay attention to where it stops or gets stuck, hold space for it, and allow it to transform and move again. Yoga Nidra has guided meditations for this!

Good luck and keep me posted on your process!

Getting Our Needs Met

We’re a society of complainers. We constantly criticize the actions of others, judging each other, analyzing their behaviours and saying how they should be and what we would have done in their situation. I’ve always liked the saying that when you point your finger at somebody else, you have four pointing back at you. Why are we putting so much energy into focusing on the actions of others anyways?

When someone does something that bothers me, their actions may not bother someone else, this tells me that the issue isn’t them, the issue is how it bothers me. There’s incredible opportunity here. The world isn’t out to get us, the world is giving us exactly what we need to grow. This wonderful person has volunteered to have us conflict so that I can see where my weaknesses are. This person is my teacher. Whether their actions are right or wrong is a separate issue. But why does it bother me?

We have these expectations of how the world should be. I almost feel like it’s increasingly parallel to our consumption of material goods. Companies advertise, make promises, you know what to expect and if they disappoint you then you get your money back. We get instantly frustrated with our smart phones if we don’t get what we want right away. We expect instant gratification and it’s fostering a bit of entitlement in us.

The antidote for this is compassion and humbling ourselves. Who are we to expect anything? How would it make us feel if someone had expectations of us? The pressure to deliver is paralyzing. When you have expectations of someone, I can confidently say that you will be disappointed. That’s not to say you shouldn’t hold them in high esteem. But to expect is to make the assumption that someone knows what you want and that they can read your mind.

Expectations are unspoken needs. For example, we’ve been in a situation where we’re spending time with someone who is constantly checking their phones. Some may tolerate this more than others. But say you didn’t, and it continued to bother you. Criticizing the person isn’t entirely justified because they may run in social circles where this is totally acceptable. And criticism can be seen as a form of control. We all come from different cultural backgrounds. There’s an opportunity here for you to do the self work by clearing away why it triggers you. When you’re neutral, their behaviour may actually change because you no longer need that trigger. If it doesn’t, another opportunity presents itself to be able to voice yourself. “Would it be okay if while we’re together we put our phones away? I really appreciate our quality time together and I’d love to be able to connect with you more!”

Awesome, you’ve stated what you need and you’ve made it about you, rather than condemning them. Now they get to choose whether they want to fulfill this need. If they say no or yes, but then continue to be on their phone, then they’re not being respectful. Ask yourself if this is a deal breaker. Perhaps your relationship isn’t compatible and it would be better worth investing into somebody who is. It’s not about the person being right or wrong, it’s just a matter of compatibility. Relationships can be nurturing, loving, respectful, fulfilling, and they will always mirror you and show you your potential for growth.

There’s a risk here of being too demanding. Signal Bill Murray from What About Bob “Gimme gimme gimme I need I neeeed I need I need gimme gimme please please!” lol We can’t expect other’s to fulfill us. This fosters codependency. Independent people are able to fulfill their own needs. But, no matter how independent we are, we will always have a very natural human need to connect with others. We need to feel part of a community, communicate with others, speak with and feel heard, be intimate, touch and be touched, and of course be loved by people other than ourselves, and our cats.

Bill Murray
Bill Murray from What About Bob