Our Power Lies in Our Ability to Make Decisions~

Our Power Lies in Our Ability to Make Decisions~

We often acknowledge that we’re giving our power away, but what does this actually mean?

It is giving away our power to make decisions.

During a difficult time, the universe taught me to let go of control, to surrender as a humble warrior. In doing so I learned how to trust the flow of life, but without control I made myself vulnerable to hitting any obstacle that would cross my path.

Now I’m being taught the next step: That while in the flowy waters of life, the power to make decisions is my ability to steer my ship in the direction I want. This is collaboration with Spirit.

See sometimes, I would see an iceberg coming straight ahead, and because somebody else would insist that it wasn’t there, I would discard my knowing and pretend that I didn’t see it either. Then, I would suffer the repercussions and get upset at people for not caring enough about me to steer my ship for me. But the wheel was in my hands all along, and I had the choice, but I chose not to act.

What stopped me from making these decisions was the pressure I would put on myself to make the right one. But without making any, you stay stuck in the same-same every day or you get hit by not moving out of the way.

Decisions empower creation. Every choice- leaving a partner, moving away, replacing a mattress, going to Africa- begins with a decision. It’s incredibly empowering. It’s how we steer. And when we make these decisions from our hearts, life unfolds for us beautifully. This is how we create. This is where it begins.

So I must add! If there’s something you’re sitting on, fucking do it. Go for it. Or decide not to and move on because the wishy-washy state really sucks.

xoxo Erika ♥ lol

Falling in Love With Life Using Iboga & The Bwiti Teachings

falling-in-love-with-life

 

Everything is different.

The first Iboga ceremony I experienced back in August released me from the incessant pain of fibromyalgia and showed me where it was coming from. Despite believing that I had let go of the past, I was still holding on. I’d spent at least two years sitting around waiting for my old life to magically come back. It wasn’t logical, but I couldn’t let go. There was an attachment that was keeping me stuck and trapped, and my body was reflecting that. The fibro that had developed in those two years made me feel like a prisoner in my own body. It’s hard to even write that and believe that it was me when I’ve always been that person who absolutely LOVES her body! But I was holding onto this old version of myself that I wasn’t anymore, and it kept me from moving forward and growing into the version of myself that has an even closer relationship with her true self.

Coming Home By Leaving Home
Once Iboga cleared my attachments, I was standing in my apartment very aware that it was just an apartment, a place of residence. The things around me were just that- things; and they didn’t define me. My home is my body, wherever I go I will always be home and I can’t be defined by anything because I am always changing, learning and doing better when I know better. Yes I have strong morals and principals that I pride myself on but again I ‘have’ them, I am not them. Because sometimes, I fuck up, but this doesn’t change who I am or my value. To define myself creates this prison or matrix that I now have to live by- and you can imagine my aversion to this after just breaking free. It’s like fitting this incredibly huge organically unique soul full of potential and possibility into a square hole. It’s restrictive and controlling. It’s as though once you define yourself and attain everything you want, you let it all go and shed it away because you realize it’s not you at all. We’re all so immeasurably enormously complex that to define is a disservice because it limits us and takes away from all that we are and can be. But we define because it lets us feel more in control, and to be out of control feels dangerous when we don’t have a strong sense of self. Without security, the moment the tide turns, we get knocked over. So we create these prisons to keep ourselves safe. But it’s an illusion and when we finally want more from life than the four walls we put ourselves in, then we need to tear them down and be sure that we’re strong enough within ourselves to venture out into world. Archetypically, it’s the classic hero/heroin’s journey of leaving “home” to come home to ourselves.

Falling In Love with Myself
I fell in love with myself the moment I realized I was the one that’s been there from the very beginning, and every moment in between. I’m the one that always wants the best for me, that helps me to be better, the only one that I can trust without question, and the only one that will be there with me in the very end. Plus I am very agreeable and laugh at all my own jokes. If there’s anyone to attach to it’s myself. I’m the only one that will never leave and that gives me a sense of peace and certainty that I can count on. People drive me crazy because I can never understand their logic lol But with me it’s just so easy. I do my best to act the way I wish others did and that makes me genuinely enjoy my own company.

Life is A Gift To Do Whatever We Want With
Once Iboga opened my eyes to what I was doing, I knew it was time to change. Life is a gift and to enjoy it is the ultimate form of gratitude. I’d been unintentionally taking it for granted, wishing it away because I felt victim to it, powerless to do anything about it and no idea how to get back up after being knocked over so many times. I was done and there was no fight left in me. With the attachments gone, I was finally able to move. I took my power back. I could make choices now that were best for me, that were in alignment with my values and energized what I wanted to create for myself. More than ever before I am embodying my creator energy. I can literally have anything I want, all I need to do is make choices and take actions that get me there.

So I thought to myself, what do I want? What’s an awesome way to spend my life? And I realized I work remotely and don’t need to be in Toronto anymore and what I’d really love is to explore the world and live and work as a digital nomad. And then I met someone who had a place for me to stay where I can save a nice cushion to get me there and also have the space I need to finally transition into the next version of myself. And so here I am, living a strange new life in this strange new town.

Being in Flow Makes Life Eaaasssyyy
And it was all very easy. Falling in love with myself made me want to do what’s best for me. Making the decision to change for my highest good brought up opportunities and all I had to do was act.  We make it so difficult for ourselves when we question, doubt, worry and ‘think’ that we need to figure things out.We don’t have to figure anything out.There’s no way that we can ever come up with a better solution than the universe can. When we know what we want and energize it, the universe conspires to make it happen. This is what it means to be in flow. We surrender to the currents of life and let them take us along. We trust the flow, trust the process, trust ourselves and our ability to surf these waves (act on opportunities), and trust the universe. Trusting is what makes it easy. It’s what lets us relax, let go of the outcome. It’s what gives us patience.

Trusting the Flow of Others
Last week I was assisting at the Iboga Retreat and as I observed people I realized that the awakening process we go through and the problems we all have are all the exactly the same. Having gone through and learned so much on my own journey, I’ll so clearly see the struggle that someone is in, the matrix they’ve created for themselves that they are now trapped in, and I’ll so badly want to tell them exactly what they need to do to get out. But to learn and to grow is about being able to do it for yourself and the best help that I can offer is to lead by example. There is no saving anybody. I’m learning to trust the flow of others just as much as I trust my own, and to have patience that they’ll get it when they’re ready- just like I did. I’m practicing letting go of this need to control and to judge. I see now how often I would let people go because they weren’t at the level that I knew they were capable of being at. And while letting someone go that’s hurting you and violating your boundaries is healthy, judging them for their choices is pretty damn hurtful, even if it was with the best intentions. I take responsibility for that and going forward I’m choosing to do better. I’m focusing on myself now. What do I need to level up?

Prioritizing Myself- Go Big or Go Home
Letting go of taking care of everyone else is liberating. All I need to do is take care of and energize myself and I do believe that doing what’s best for ourselves is what’s best for others as well, even if that’s not always obvious. So often we focus on everyone else because we don’t want to look at ourselves. But when I do take a good hard look, there are areas that need some serious improvement and love. And how beautiful to finally give myself the attention that I’ve been craving for years. There are so many things that I want to do and I’m excited to say that I alas have the energy and focus I’ve been needing. I’ve actually always had it, I was just giving it away by fixating on everyone else. Now I’m fixating on myself, I’m taking my life back, making it mine, and falling in love with it. It feels rich and lush with possibility. I just feel like this is my LIFE, my most prized possession, and it goes by so quick and we don’t get it back- not this one at least, so I really want to make the most out of it. I want to make it as good as possible so then when I meet up with my alien buddies on the other side I’ll have the best stories to tell because I’ll have had the BEST time! I want to feel a sense of peace when I take my last breath that I came, I saw, and I LIVED!

Thank you, thank you, thank you,

Erika

To participate in an Iboga ceremony, contact Michael at

To learn more about Iboga:

How Trusting Ourselves Pulls Us Into the Natural Flow of Life

We can either be pushed or be pulled through life. When we’re pushing ourselves, or are pushed by someone else like a parent or an employer, to accomplish something, it takes motivating, force, and is challenging because we’re trying to be pushed past some internal resistance. When being pulled, it feels like we’re in the natural flow of life. It’s exciting and energizing, and may even feel like something bigger than us is guiding us along.

The experience of being pulled happens when we surrender to the power of will. 

The yin yang symbol is the balance of the sacred feminine energy of surrender, yang, with the sacred masculine energy of will, yin. In every moment, we express these energies. When we are in flow with the universe, acting intuitively from our highest good, these energies are naturally balanced and expressed in harmony. For example, when I write these posts, I surrender to what needs to be said, while my will pulls me to write. I’m also focused on the bigger picture of what I desire to create and I know I am in service, thus contributing to my biggest dreams. In a way the act is effortless because it’s a natural creative expression of myself. I may still fumble over my words as I write, but sitting here feels naturally enjoyable, not forced. There’s a sense that I am supported to act out of my highest good.

yin yang cats

What gets in the way of being in the natural flow of life is resistance. We create petty reasons- excuses, fears, dramas, of why we cannot do something, but at the very root of the resistance, is we don’t trust ourselves. If we don’t believe that what we’re doing is worth the effort, that we can handle what arises, and we will create what we desire or better, then we will drag our feet and make it incredibly difficult to accomplish even the smallest tasks. How can we work hard for a leader that we don’t believe in? We need to trust that if there is something that we want to achieve or obtain, that we can make that happen, and we want to help ourselves do this. Unwavering faith in ourselves. A belief that we can make anything happen. A belief in our mastery. That we can envision what success means to us, and know without a doubt that we will create it, and we have faith that every step we take is a successful step towards getting us there. Trusting ourselves means faith in our abilities as a creator. That everything is meaningful and serves a purpose. This is pure confidence. 

When we trust ourselves, we surrender to the power of will, and we will ourselves to surrender. 

Some of us trust ourselves easier than others. We lose our trust when we begin to doubt both ourselves and the process. We experience disappointments from our failed expectations, thus losing sight of the bigger picture. We’re incredibly self critical with no margin for error. Mistakes are how we learn, and we can trust that we’ll bounce back. It’ll always be okay because it always has been.

To take this a step further, when we acknowledge our divinity- that we are god consciousness experiencing itself in human form, then believing in ourselves and believing in something bigger than us is the same thing. And when we can have faith in the process, we can surrender to it, while our will pulls us to create. We are not victim to our surroundings, we create them. Just like how we have the DNA of our parents, we have the super powers of spirit. It’s an exciting time to be alive because we are only now waking up to this and seeing what we’re truly capable of. When we stop trying to micromanage and control our lives from a place of fear and doubt, we’re able to surrender to ourselves and become willed to create beyond anything we could ever imagine. 

Step One: Let go of everything that isn’t fulfilling you. You’re only holding onto it because you’re afraid. Surrender. Trust yourself. And hold on 😉