We are dynamic individuals made up of different versions of ourselves- the mind/the ego comprised of our gremlins and archetypal energies, the body, and the spirit/the higher self. Each aspect of ourselves has a perspective, a desire to express itself, and needs to be satisfied. By embodying one side of ourselves, we get really good at it. But this is a world of duality, and when we’re good at one thing, we need to get good at it’s opposite. Once there, we can then refine our way to a place of balance somewhere in the middle. Balance is what we all strive to achieve because when we are balanced we are whole and authentically our true selves. In balance, all of these aspects have a seat at the table.
Why Be Balance
To be balanced is closer to being true to your authentic self. Again, you’re not just one version of yourself, you’re an entire spectrum that all needs to come together in harmony. Anything out of balance is destructive because when you don’t nurture one side of yourself, it starts acting out and “running the show.” It takes control and you lose power over your life. For example, those moments of laziness when you’ve not getting anything done is because something inside of you is screaming to be heard and it’s stopping you from being able to move. When you get in touch with these sides of yourself and give them space to be, you gain more control over them so they no longer act out and cause destruction in your life. You develop a healthy relationship with them, so when they need something, you can provide it, and they don’t have to scream at you anymore. They’re not bad and wrong, they’re you, they’ve just really upset from being ignored.
The Dark Side of Being Polite
So often in our culture we’re trained to be nice, to keep it classy, and basically to control ourselves- to abandon some of our aspects in favour of ones that are more socially acceptable. But what ends up happening is we put the needs of others before ourselves. We’ll suppress our own voice and needs to be peace keepers. We wont respect our own boundaries and instead allow ourselves to be walked all over. In doing so, we’ll remain victims and never be respected or have our boundaries respected by others. We’ll never grow into the incredible people we truly are. We’ll also enable the unhealthy behaviours of others by not speaking up and taking a stand when the situation calls for it. Nobody wins, nobody grows. Personally I find myself uncomfortable around these people because they’re not being honest. They’re prone to passive aggressive behaviours, exploding and projecting on others, and/or self destructive tendencies including addictive habits and creating illness in their body. This is because they’re suppressing their truth and it’s going to find it’s way out somehow, and without self awareness, it’s not going to come out quietly.
Why We Keep Others Out of Balance
Destructive behavioural patterns that leave us imbalanced and unhealthy are socially desirable because it keeps us all on an even playing field. Some examples of these patterns include binge watching netflix, binge drinking, eating junk food and creating drama. If I told you I just indulged in a box of cookies you would probably laugh at me because it makes you feel a little bit better about yourself. That you have these human moments too. Such a relief! People naturally connect over their weaknesses and wounds. While we admire our role models and mentors for their balanced and refined qualities, we sometimes competitively envy our comrades who are developing themselves because when we compare ourselves to them, we perceive ourselves as less valuable. It becomes threatening. But when we’re more in control of our self development and we see ourselves improving, we genuinely want the best for others as well. We’re all on the same team and we understand that our liberation is caught up in each other.
When we’re learning something new, we focus our energy onto it so that it can develop. When learning to speak up after staying quiet for most of our lives, we can end up at the opposite end of the spectrum causing us to speak offensively and at a higher volume than we’re aware of. While it’s amazing that we’re developing a skill, it’s development isn’t complete until we’ve refined it further by bringing it into balance.
First, notice any hidden desires you have. This is kinda fun, and kinda sexy. Being bad is sexy isn’t it? Is there a seductive vixen in there? A version of you that wants to tell everyone off? Eat 400 lbs of cake without giving a fuck? Be lazy and irresponsible? Let yourself explore what each one of these desires really means and let yourself embody it. Give them space to be. Go somewhere where nobody knows you if you have to. These different versions of you are what make you unique, beautiful and so much fun.
What To Expect
It’s going to get messy. You’re going to make mistakes and upset people. You’re learning. You’ll need to be able to own your mistakes and apologise when the situation warrants it, and thank others for allowing the space for you to grow. And when you finally get to embody the richness of the sides of yourself that have lay dormant, celebrate, appreciate your determination and perseverance, and then refine yourself to a middle place of balance. Refine refine refine. And soon you’ll be in touch with all of these dynamic sides of yourself and you’ll really see the beauty of who you are.
On New Years Eve, excited for the new year, I felt inspired to paint my apartment! So I painted for over 15 hours and when I woke up the next day, I couldn’t move lol I especially hurt my hand- I could barely move it and was in so much pain I had to take pain killers- which I never do.
I sat with my hand and tuned into the pain. I gave her my full attention and listened. I had flashbacks to being in the hospital as a kid, having the IV in my wrist, morphine and medicine pumping into me. I could feel the intense itch of the morphine. The most pain was where I still have scars from needles and testing. The visions and sensations were as though it was happening now. I cried, processed, and held the space for this to be released. The memories of family coming to see me, crying, standing by my hospital bed, holding my hand while feeling upset. I released all of their pain that I’ve been holding onto for them. Then I had to reconnect with my hand, mend my relationship with it, hold it to my heart and do hoponopono with it.
This morning when I woke up, the pain was less, and now, evening, it’s practically gone. In one day it went from unbelievable pain unable to move, to sitting here- painless- typing this. Really incredible. So I want to share how I did it. It’s an incredibly intuitive process of giving your body, mind and spirit your full attention. It can be used for any issue- physical, emotional, mental, spiritual- anything that is bothering you. I believe without confirmation that this work is shamanic. It brings you deep into the darkness of the underworld to release and gain the wisdom you need for the next stage.
Attention and Holding Space for Yourself
Throughout the entire process you will be in a deep trance of giving your body, mind and spirit your full attention. Listen deeply as though you’re listening to a friend speak. Curiously, with love and care, listen to your body, your thoughts. Keeping your eyes closed helps you to connect.
When you hold the space for yourself, you are watching yourself, acutely paying attention.
Holding space is bringing awareness to something, and giving your body/mind/soul space and focus to transmute the energy. The alchemist.
There are two of you- your higher self is holding the space for your human self, like a mother caring for a child. It feels like there’s a spirit, energy, that is hovering above and around you. The human version of you is releasing, surrendering, doing the work, crying, screaming, moving- all while being guided by your higher self.
Movement and Intuition
Movement helps to distract your mind and keep your focus. It also helps to get the energy flowing in your body, unblocking anywhere it may be currently stuck. I use a series of simple kundalini movements that I’ve memorized that activate my spine to connect me with my higher self. The kundalini movements are also great with directing me on how to properly breathe deeply throughout the process. Use something you don’t have to think about that’s just running in the background.
Your intuition of when to move, how does your body need to move, when to speak, when to write, what needs to be said- is everything. Allow yourself to be guided, surrender to this fully. Honour yourself, your inner guidance, your wisdom.
First, notice how your body wants to express itself:
Automatic writing: write without thinking
Automatic speaking: Just speak, what needs to be said through you.
Intuitive movement: Need to punch the shit out of the bed? Care for yourself throughout the process- the wall will break your hand.
Second, know that you’re not alone. Part of you is here in this body, having this very humane experience, and the other part of you is divinity- your higher self is pure love hovering above you, connected with you, guiding you.
Feel the connection grow with your higher self.
Connect with the love consciousness.
Surrender yourself to your higher self.
Allow your higher self to support you, nurture you, love you, take care of you.
Surrender to that. Let go.
Let the emotions, feelings grow.
Your higher Self is going to hold the space and coach your human self. Both versions of you will express itself. There will be times where your human self is upset, perhaps questioning things and your higher self is responding. It’s not about going into victim mode and focusing on the crap- like in therapy, it’s about focusing on the highest vibration of love and elevating yourself to this to release everything not in alignment with it. When you are connected, these are no longer solely your movements, your thoughts- now you’re in this dance with your higher self.
Third, speak, move, and emote intuitively. Be honest. Even if it’s ugly. It might sound like therapy where your higher self is asking questions and challenging your human self. Be sure to stay in your heart and body, don’t go into your mind. The questions that come from your higher self don’t come from your thoughts- you’re not thinking, everything is on instinct. Be honest with everything you are feeling- everything is true and right.
Keep with the motions. Move intuitively. Hold certain poses if your body wishes. Contort yourself in unnatural positions if desired. The energy is moving.
When emotions come up, let them out, cry, scream, make unnatural noises- your throat is clearing, get it out. Don’t think about how weird it is, nobody is watching or listening. My landlord hasn’t complained yet.
Remember to continue to hold the space for yourself.
Fourth, pay attention to subtle changing energies. As the process deepens, you may feel activation at your crown chakra. A presence, connection with your higher self.
Notice when the energy shifts to drama/trauma, victim, poor me. You can be in this, perhaps reliving a past memory, while your higher self is holding the space for you to transmute this. You will feel both the trauma and the power of the transmutation simultaneously. The difference between drama and processing is you feel strong. Even though crying, you are in your strength, sitting straight up or in a position you intuitively came into. Remember how powerful you are, breathe and release what needs to come out while holding yourself in the highest esteem.
Fifth, ask for help. If and when the energy gets super intense, ask your higher self, guides, angels to help you clear. They’re literally sitting there waiting, but can’t act until you ask. They want you to ask, and when you do, the energy shifts and releases instantly. It’s incredible. You’ll think, whoa, why was I crying.
In these intense moments, ground yourself with deep breaths and by feeling the floor with your hands.
Remember to continue to move intuitively. Try not to do too much, keep the trance, keep your eyes closed. But listen to loud intuitive calls like to drink water, hug a bolster. Honour yourself. You may be called to do something for a release to happen. I had to hug a bolster once to feel supported, and that support helped me to process. But generally, stay in the same area. Moving around too much might be tactical and dramatic. Be honest with your antics.
When you’re nearing the end, you will feel a smile creep up on your lips. A sense of lightness, calmness, less to no intensity, relief, and peace. You feel like you let something go. You’ve had realizations, epiphanies, a change in perspective. You’re not crying anymore, nor do you feel the need. You’re kinda smiling a little.
Sixth, lay down on the mat and rest for a moment. You may feel energized. Definitely hungry. Thank yourself. Thank your guides. Eat. Take a nap.
The Next Day You will be exhausted the next day. Hungry. Take care of yourself and be grateful for the incredible work you’ve done. Congratulations
This is the incredible process I use to intuitively heal myself- mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I’ve successfully used it many times for a myriad of reasons. When you do it, listen to your intuition and alter it appropriately. You know what’s best for you. If you need extra guidance, send me a message- I’d love to help to guide you through it.
My Spiritual path began in early 2010-ish when I was suffering from health issues. Specifically, gallbladder attacks. I couldn’t eat anything without having an attack. I was under 100 lbs and it was recommended I have my gallbladder removed. Personally, I don’t do well with people telling me to remove my organs so I took it as a challenge to heal myself. It started with changing my diet.
I experimented with the elimination diet. This is where you eliminate EVERYTHING (basically, emphasis for drama because seriously it’s hard as f*ck) and slowly reintroduce foods back into your diet to see what affects you. I ended up not reintroducing certain foods because being on a gluten free vegan organic diet was the most supportive for me at this time. By eating this way, my body was able to take a break and detox a lifetimes worth of toxins.
Eating a very basic, clean diet allowed my Self to focus on other things. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the bottom section that all other sections depend on is Psychological Needs: food, water, warmth, rest. In order for us to have safety, love and relationships, esteem and self-actualization, we need to have our basic needs met. Eating a healthy diet is part of fulfilling our basic needs so that we can gradually grow and expand into more complex beings.
Similarly, the root chakra at the base of the spine represents survival. When our bodies aren’t fully nourished nutritionally and is being hounded with toxins and junk food, then the body is in survival mode. It isn’t able to move beyond doing repair work to express it’s full potential. Because all the chakras above depend on the health of the chakra below, we need to create a healthy environment for our Selves to grow and expand.
When my diet changed I started to develop a connection and a relationship with Spirit. I grew up Catholic with my mom telling me each night before bed in her heavy Italian accent, “say your prayers, Erika!” *kiss* However, every Sunday we would go to church and come home to my dad’s tyranny. I still remember the moment that I told God, “this is bullshit you’re not listening and I’m not talking to you anymore.” It was heartbreaking. And for over ten years I was very lonely, empty, and terrified having gone through everything that I had to go through alone.
But when my connection with Spirit started to develop again, I realized that what I rejected wasn’t God, it was religion. Spirit had been there for me all along, like a parent, watching me sleep through a nightmare and trying to wake me up. The cells in our body hold onto old memories and patterns. By detoxing, I started to flush out emotional, mental and psychological baggage as well. Everything is connected. I had taken “the red pill” and I started to wake up.
So here I am 6-ish years later with a healthy body, including a gallbladder that is healed and in tack, and an incredible spiritual maturity- just read my blog 😉 As I’ve been traveling down the rabbit hole exploring life from new perspectives, having existential crises and navigating the underworld, I, ironically, didn’t think to develop my mind at the level that I brought my body and especially my spirit. So now I question, how can optimal physical health impact my mental focus?
The mind is what we use to act. It’s how we focus our energy into creating what we want in this world. The mind is what’s responsible for envisioning our dreams and setting out to make them happen. In Tony Robbin’s “Awaken The Giant Within,” he challenges us to do a mind detox where you are aware of your thoughts the entire day and only stay focused on the positive. I couldn’t even make it a day. So I’ve met with both a nutritionist and a physical trainer, and as I strengthen my physical body further to reach its optimal health and challenge myself to a kidney flush, I’m going to do this mind detox again and see how the mental and physical relate.
As well as exercise and nutrition, other ways to nourish and fulfill yourself physically include:
– Dry brushing
– Acuballs and acupuncture mats
– Organic body creams, essential oils and makeup
– Filtered alkaline water, I use the Akai machine
– Light daily stretching first thing in the morning, I do kundalini yoga to activate the chakras
– Restorative yoga at the end of the day
– Getting silk pillowcases and Egyptian Cotton sheets with a high thread count
– Being intimate with yourself or with someone you’re comfortable and safe with
– Snuggling an animal and enjoying their softness
– Speaking with your cells, thanking them for all that they do and sending them some love each time you shower
– Cup of tea
– Breathing exercises, just take a deep breath right now
– Trip to the spa!
– Be out in the sunshine
– Floatation tank
Do your best to enjoy being in your body. You wouldn’t be here without her. Allow and accept her as she is, and then take the initiative to change what you don’t like. The power is in your hands. We are all capable of much more than we think we are. The first step in achieving happiness and fulfillment in life is proper self care.